Like many of you, my great intentions sometimes come with very poor execution.
While on my 40-year Diet Yo-Yo, I always had great intentions for losing extra pounds and keeping them off. I aspire to be more ordered with housekeeping, accounting, etc., but my great intentions to accomplish many things just don’t always get them done. Know what I mean?
So how do we work with ourselves to accomplish tasks and goals? As a counselor and emotional eating coach, I have my clients take some personality profiles. You’re probably familiar with a few that offer good indicators – Myers Briggs, DiSC, MAPP, and such. One of the most practical, however, is called The Four Tendencies, and it measures how you respond to expectations. It’s a fun (and free) quiz, and it has helped me tremendously. Find it here if you’d like to take it: https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/
Fighting FOR You
We can’t fight our personalities, but we can work with it. They’re not wrong in any way. They’re simply who we are, and once we know a bit about ourselves, we can work with it to reach our goals.
The types are Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. In short, Upholders meet both inner and outer expectations. Questioners may meet expectations as long as it makes sense to them. Rebels want the freedom to do things their way. And Obligers – well, I’m very familiar with that tendency, and it is the most common tendency in this country.
Obligers will always fulfill external expectations. You ask me to do it, I will get it done. Fulfilling my expectations for myself? Not so much. In order to fulfill an internal expectation, I HAVE to set up a system of accountability. If I want to exercise, I need a partner of some sort, someone expecting me to show up. Could be the guy who opens the gym, could be someone I meet for a group. Currently, it’s my dog, and we walk every morning. It’s good for her (tired puppies are good puppies) and without her, I’d be hard pressed to get out the door every morning. Whatever the goal or task, creating external accountability helps me fulfill my internal expectation.
How can you work with your tendency to meet one of your goals?
Renée Jones is a counselor and coach specializing in overcoming emotional eating. After 40 years on the Diet Yo-Yo, she struggled to find what worked for her while emotional eating sabotaged every attempt. When she finally overcame that emotional eating to lose her weight, maintenance on a low-fat diet left her tired, hungry, and cranky. In April of 2015, she found the ketogenic lifestyle and later Carrie Brown’s recipes, which freed her from the Diet Yo-Yo and dark mood swings.
Now she helps others get free of their emotional eating and other baggage so their hearts can heal along with their bodies. She has a Master’s degree in Counseling with certifications in both traditional and contemporary models as well as Horse-Assisted and relaxation methods. She has an international counseling and coaching practice.
Author of What’s Really Eating You: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating
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