Mad About | The Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger

I filed my taxes today.  I felt, wholeheartedly, that I deserved a burger afterwards.  I skipped breakfast because I knew, for sure, that if I left the house on a Big Breakfast Adventure there would be absolutely not one shred of tax filing going on today.

Having pushed that last magic button up on Turbo Tax Online and sent my Tax Return whizzing through the ether to IRS Central, I realized that I needed a stamp to mail my check to the IRS.  Bless them.  A trip to Issy was therefore justified, nay, necessary.  If you’re wondering why I didn’t just pay online, well, they wanted $36.72 as a “convenience fee” for that privilege.  Bugger that for a game of soldiers.  I’ll mail ’em a check.  That $36.72 will buy me two darn fine breakfasts.  Lately I think in terms of how many breakfasts everything equals.  It’s my check and balance on value these days.

My go-to place in the fast-and-furious-burger stakes is McDonalds, although I am not sure that has much anything to do with the burgers.  Or the fries or apple pies; although I admit the apple pies are a huge draw.  But today I was just in the mood for something that I probably only get in the mood for about once every 3.37 years – A Jack In The Box Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger.

A whole bunch of years ago (probably definitely more than I care to remember) I hopped over the pond from London to spend a long weekend in Phoenix with Shawn & his family.  That’s Shawn of December’s Thai fame.  And the same Shawn that introduced me to the reality of Roadrunners.  During this particular trip, Shawn decided to take the tourist (me) to Sedona for the day.  He decided we needed to have a snack on our way out of town and pulled into a Jack In The Box.  I had never had a Jack In The Box burger before.  I think I am right when I say that I had never eaten a burger *anywhere* except at McDonalds prior to that day.  Hmm, now I think about it, maybe I had been to a Wimpy’s.  My point being that I was not a fast-food burger connoisseur, having been raised in an English household that was all about cooking from scratch with real food.  I just didn’t grow up eating burgers.  Or fast-food.  The only reason I ever started eating fast-food was because McDonalds fed it to me when I worked there.

Anyhoooo…there we were on our way to Sedona, via Jack In The Box.  We’re at the drive-thro window & Shawn asks me what I want.  I have, no clue.  I see the word ‘bacon’ on the board.  Bacon in a burger sounds darn fine to me.  I’ll have that.  I truly don’t remember what else we had.  I wanna say curly fries (which were a complete novelty to me), but the only thing that I really remember is that we ended up with an awful lot of food (for a ridiculously small amount of money) and that my Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger was an utter revelation.  It was the yummiest, messiest, juiciest burger I’d ever eaten.  I have never really gotten over it.  If I think hard enough I can still taste it now.  I am certain that a not insignificant part of the reason that it is so dear to my heart is that Shawn – just about my favorite person on planet earth – was the one who introduced me to it.  I still remember the very moment that my teeth first sank into that Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger like it was yesterday.

Jack In The Box Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger = Love. 

Fast forward to 2011.  Having filed my taxes & written my check, I was in need of some lovin’.  As I stood there looking at the menu I tried not to notice the 4-digit calorific value listed next to my beloved Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger.  I do know, and am grateful, that the first digit was a “1”.  My brain would not allow me to register the other 3.  I am {very} thankful for small mercies.

With beloved burger in hand I perched on a stool by the window and enjoyed a fabulous 12 minutes of post-tax-filing nirvana with my yummy, messy, juicy sandwich.  I day-dreamed about my first encounter with one all those years ago.  I thought about Shawn & how cute his baby daughter Brianna was on that day in Sedona, all dressed in pink & drinking Grape Gatorade.  I thought about the day I first met Shawn & how he still makes me laugh.  Out loud.  And how he has the voice of an angel when he sings.  I recalled the day he told me, “You are such a dork”, and survived.  I remembered the evening we discovered that my favorite movie is also his favorite movie, “The Edge“, starring Bart the Bear.  Who knew a couple of bites of burger had the power to conjure up so many magical memories.  Amazing.  Fantastic.

Sadly, my reverie was rudely interrupted by Mr. Angry, who erroneously thought that yelling & name calling was a good strategy for getting an order of fries that he felt he had been cheated out of.  On the other hand, Mr. Manager’s strategy of needing to be right was not a good one either.

Mr. Angry: It’s a serving of fries.  Not worth raising your blood pressure over.

Mr. Manager: It’s a serving of fries.  Just give the man a serving of fries already.

At one point I started to wonder if hope we were going to get some Police Department eye candy show up to calm things down.  Alas, my burger was the tastiest thing I saw all day.  Ah well.  I filed my taxes & ate my favorite burger.  Those two things right there made it a great Friday.

Happy Tax Day America!